Monday, 6 May 2019

Where the actual heck am I these days?

It's been a REALLY long time since I posted. With the end of a semester (I'm a learning helper in adult edu rooms), I'm just now taking a look and trying to figure out where the actual heck I am these days concerning blog posts...

Wow, and I'm STILL reviewing material from the "Syllabus for Whites--"

Truthfully, looking back on the past year or so, I think I backed off on writing anything about that particular "syllabus," while encountering r/l push back from people I know... people TRYING to be allies to marginalized communities and individuals. These are people hitting roadblocks - settlers guilt, racial/racist ambiguity and confusions, clashes between what is right and what has flown or passed for okay in our societal and cultural norms for decades. Honestly, so much in the world is screwed up and even THAT makes people feel helpless to do anything much of the time so they fall victim to that powerful feeling and do nothing.

What really ticks me off (situations, not the people) is that people hitting these obstacles seem largely unaware of having bumped up against these things, anyway... I suppose being unable to determine the source of discomfort means feeling the need to defend oneself "I didn't do anything to Indians/Indigenous people, blacks, immigrants, gays, women, etc, so stop talking about this" "I'm not homophobic - I just don't want gays to be near me - I have that right about who I want around me."

If I point out - "Hey that's a racist statement--" or "...a statement or opinion based on privilege that doesn't include the reality of integral but smaller, marginalized groups your opinion affects..." people get, frankly, pisssssssy with me and then my patience flies out the window.

Thank actual Christ that I get to be WRONG so much lol 'cos it means I can SOMETIMES understand why someone is correcting me.

I'm just someone learning, too... and someone learning to help others keep learning how to process some life happenings, in general. Some days, I think my only value is in showing some people how to get back up after getting lambasted and being WRONG... showing people you learn from those mistakes - IF YOU MAKE A CHOICE to process the wrongs a certain way. (Watch ME making my many mistakes and getting up - this is how it's done).

Know what? I'm kinda cranky, so I'm going to share the vid that's helpin' me blow off steam

Godsmack song, "Whatever"

Okay so after listening to that and experiencing cathartic bytching, I'm good again lol

I think I technically understand why people say they are allies then stop actual ally action and "walking the talk," but I just don't know how to manufacture enough patience to hold space better beside struggling allies who have some resistance to ally truths and praxis.

This ally and examining privilege stuff has been really important to me but got really stalled. I've learning this through coming back into the blogger platform and trying to figure out where the actual heck I am these days... 'cos a LARGE handful of drafts in my dashboard, entirely unposted, are about ALLY and privilege topics.

Add the fact that I've been reading a LOT about how facts don't make people change (the right pressures sometimes DO - but applying pressure can go wrong in oh so many ways and right in only a few ways)...

So - where the actual heck I am these days is...

Still basically at the beginning, ready to try to make calls to action and change. Making mistakes and learning and getting back up.

Here I go again...

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